Responses to Final Pieces

Elizabeth,
I second Martin's question about wanting to know the details about the conflict with the BSO. To me it seems that their are two conflicts here that belong to separate stories: one with Andrew and the other with Tim. Somehow a general conflict for the security-student relationship is going to have to be united or you are going to have to pick one or the other. While you may not have the space to include full descriptions or quotes from every security guard, it might be worth giving a general description of who makes up the crew. I'd like to hear the voices of students who have dealt directly with security and hear a variety of opinions. There is a conflict that lies, it seems, in misconceptions on both sides. This seems to be the real conflict that is lurking in this piece.

Jackie,
I'm wondering about the audience for this piece? It seems that it is written for a national audience and if so then I'd like to get a better sense of how Kalamazoo is a microcosm for the state of higher education nationally. Getting at more specifics related to the academic programs at K and KVCC and including information about Western will be helpful, I think. That the city has these three different higher education institutions is interesting--delve into more analysis in this regard. If it's possible to acquire the information it might be telling to note from where geographically, students of each institution typically come and if this is changing. Also, how, specifically, is enrollment changing at K. You previously mentioned an article that proposed radical changes to the structure of a liberal arts education, what are those suggestions and what is your analysis of them; do you think they could be applied to K? It might be worth it to hear student voices from the various institutions and their opinions on their education and finding a job and how their goals and expectations have or have not changed over the course of their college years. The part about entitlement and class hierarchies is really interesting and, I think, speaks to an important part of the this current situation--get more feedback on this.

Martin,
While I personally understand that boozing is a significant part of any camping trip, I think you over-do it with the drinking references--it kind of discredits the author as a sober authority for a description of this place. I want to hear more voices and opinions of other people who visit the dunes, and give us Rodger's opinion on the subject. I'd like to see better how the dunes look during the day, describe the beauty of this place and show why it is unique and worth preserving. I like the "I" and the voice in this piece, it is personal and relatable. If you have the space, see if there is researchable information on what will happen to the dunes if these problems continue and why the preservation acts are not fulfilling their purpose.

Regis,
The topic and angle for this piece are really interesting. I would consider talking more (and earlier in the piece)about the impetus for this project and the grant/funding from NASA and how that came about and also, I'd like to know more about the internship. While I think the play-by-play of the actions is well written, it might be worth it to give less detail there and more backstory about the preparation for the experiment: how long the construction took, how Noah figured out the technical elements, and so forth. Also, I'd be interested to know about Noah's development as a scientist and what other experiments he has done (even as a kid) to make him a rounder character.

Toni,
For the sake of revision I hope that someone has suggestions for you. I think this piece is well written, thorough, and engaging; it accomplishes the task. Nicely done.
I did think of one thing: to get a better sense of their neighbor's opinion of the winery, you could include quotes (if there are any) from locals so we here their actual voices and views.